The Last Letter
by oh the cleverness of you
Summary: I thought I was over my gambling addiction, but today I realized that I was wrong. I have been gambling for awhile now. I gambled on you, over and over again. I put all my stakes on you Bones. I went all in. But I lost, I lost big time.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N I wrote this story because I had read so many stories where Booth is the bad guy, and he has to prove himself to Brennan. I thought it would be good if it was her turn to be the asshole. Currently it is rated T for language but later chapter may be rated M. Please comment after reading, I would love to hear what you think. Also I am without a Beta, so all mistakes are my own. But if anyone is interested please let me know. Anyways hope you like it...**"

* * *

Dr B, mind if I sit?"

Startled I looked up; having been so lost in my thoughts I didn't even hear him approaching.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to startle you."

"It's no Problem Asher, please sit down."

Now that I had company, I took what I had been reading, and placed it in my pocket.

"I don't know if I will be good company tonight Asher. I was really just planning on turning in for the night."

"Dr Brennan, if I was disturbing you I can go."

I must have showed the shock at his statement because instead of waiting for me to respond he simply continued.

"It's just, I know you read that same letter every night, and now that I have joined you, you put it away and are going to bed. I don't want to disturb you or anything."

I sighed; I hadn't thought that anybody noticed that.

"Asher, it's not you."

"I know Dr B; I wasn't implying that it was. But if you just want some time alone then I can give you that. I just hadn't realized that it was something you needed to be alone to do."

"Its fine Asher, you can stay."

Watching him he seemed to finally accept my answer. I leaned back in my chair and starred at the fire. It's not like I really needed to read the letter again. I could go over every single word in my head. Starring at the fire, that's exactly what I did.

"What is it that you're always reading?"

Looking up at Asher I attempted to smile. I had almost forgotten he was here.

"It's nothing."

"Forgive me for saying, but it can't be nothing. "

Again I sighed; I always knew that Asher was tenacious. I decided to indulge the young boy if only for a moment.

"It's the last letter."

Asher nodded his head, clearly deep in thought. I chuckled to myself, if that is what I looked like when I was thinking then it was no wonder that everyone always knew when my wheels were turning. Asher didn't ask anything else, so I assumed his curiosity appeased and focused my attention back to the fire.

"So….what's the last letter?"

"It's a long story."

Asher smiled.

"Well what a coincidence then, because here we are you and I sitting in front of a campfire. And I know from my own personal experience that there is no better place to hear a story."

This kid just wasn't going to give it up, normally I don't like to talk about myself or my feelings, but this kid just looked so damn curious.

"Alright Asher but this goes way beyond a simple letter."

He looked at me for a moment, cocking his head to one side.

"Well go on then."


	2. Chapter 2

Starring into the fire I could start to see the story taking place.

I told Asher of our first case together, how we couldn't seem to agree on anything. How were we just two opposing forces. I told him how we persevered, and became partners despite being complete opposites. I explained how our partnership grew. How it went from trust to respect, to friendship. I explained who he was to me, the man that I called my partner. I was never the best at explaining things that I was feeling. I really tried to convey how I felt towards him. I simply just tried to sum it up as he was my Booth.

My Booth that explained to me things about the heart. My Booth that helped me renew a relationship with my father. My Booth, my best friend that stood in front of a bullet for me. That asked me to be with him when he was having brain surgery. My Booth, with the sly smile and the cocky belt buckle.

I explained in great detail the building of the greatest relationship I had ever had. How Booth had slowly become the one person in the world that I could rely on.

As I told Asher of all the stories, and memories I could vaguely hear him laughing at our antics, or sighing when I told him of attempting to break laws of physics.

The hard part was coming. The part of us that I didn't want to remember, but I told him I would tell him a story. And what is a story without an ending.

Composing myself I cleared my throat.

_Booth and I had just finished a case together. We solved and put yet another murderer behind bars. As per usual we were having drinks. We were at his place, sitting on the couch. We were so close our shoulders and knees were touching. The touching was something that I had to get used to, but I had found myself actually enjoying it. I don't even remember what he said, I only remember that it had been funny. I threw me head back in laughter relishing. Trying to compose myself I looked back at him. The smile was instantly gone from my lips. His eyes were dark, and he had a look on his face I had never seen before. It scared the shit out of me. But I couldn't look away. He reached his hand up and gently caressed my cheek. I was in shock, I couldn't move or speak. Something inside me told me to speak_ _up to change the subject, but I couldn't. The feeling of his hand on my cheek well it just felt right. _

"_You're so beautiful."_

_I flushed. I had always known I was an attractive woman, and Booth had even said so much before. But something about the way he said it, or maybe the look or the touch. It gave me butterflies and I couldn't stop the rush of blood. Booth never looked away, he never faltered. He moved closer to my face, never breaking eye contact. When his lips were almost touching mine he spoke._

"_Can I kiss you?"_

_It had seemed absurd that he was even asking. If I let him get that close, one could only assume that I knew what was going to happen and was essentially letting it. But I nodded in consent. The kiss was extremely tentative at first. His lips just barely touching mine. I told myself over and over to not let it go any further than this, but when he ran his tongue along my mouth I couldn't control the gasp. He took advantage of the fact that my mouth was open and deepened the kiss. It was the best kiss of my life. It was everything a kiss should be. Teasing and playful yet full of want and demanding. It elicited feelings in me that I had forced dormant for so long. Before I knew it I was an active participant. I couldn't get him close enough. I pressed myself into his body, my hand running wildly all over him. I could feel his rapid heartbeat in my chest. I could feel the heat of his hands as the held my waist. But it wasn't enough for me and evidently not for him because at the exact same time we started to undress each other. It was all I ever wanted. Everything I had ever dreamed that making love should be. He made me feel so wanted and so safe at the same time. He made my heart swell and my eyes fill with tears when lay over me and gazed with utter adoration. It made me feel whole when we finally came together. It was perfect. After as I lay in his arms, I can remember thinking to myself that we most definitely broke the laws of physics. I snuggled in closer to him, making sure that he was firmly spooned behind me. I placed my hand on his which was lying on my stomach and settled into fall asleep. He kissed the back of my neck and whispered good night against my skin. My heart fluttered with the feel of his lips on my skin._

"_I love you Bones"_

_And my heart stopped._

_Sleep was not an option anymore. I felt his grip relax and his breathing even out and knew he had fallen asleep. I had to get out of there. Why did he have to say that? It ruined everything. A near perfect evening gone to shit. We could have been good. We could have still worked together, maybe even try this again. I sat there contemplating my escape. Finally when I was sure that he was sleeping deeply I slipped from his grasp. I fumbled around trying to find the clothes that were strewn all over the floor, as I reached his door I looked back at him and was surprised to see him watching me._

"_I know why you're leaving Bones, and I understand. But I love you and I will spend every day proving that to you. So for now I will let you leave, but just be warned that I will get you to love me, get you so head over heels like I am for you that you can't live without me."_

_Turning before he could say anymore I practically ran out of his apartment mumbling._

"_That's what I was afraid of"_


	3. Chapter 3

I needed a moment. Reliving that part in my mind was painful enough, but speaking it aloud I was surprised that I was able to finish it. When I could finally bring myself to look at Asher I was surprised to see that a crowd had gathered. I was unsure if it was genuine interest in my story or rather because it was the first time any of them had heard me say anything about my life before I came here.

"And that's why I left."

"That's it? A man tells you he is in love with you, and you leave? I don't understand."

"Trust me Asher I don't completely understand myself."

"Ok…but he said that he would fight for you, he never tried to find you? I mean he is a fucking FBI agent he should have had no problem following you here."

"He explained his reasons for never coming after me in one of his letters."

"Letters? How many did he write?"

I smiled.

"About five a week."

Asher sucked in a breath.

"Wow, that's a lot of letters. So how come he never came?"

"He told me that he wouldn't force me. That if I wanted to talk to him, then that was a decision that I had to make. That he would give me that space."

"So…did you ever contact him?"

"No."

"Were his letters not good enough?"

"Oh they were plenty good enough. Some of them he begged me to come back, or write or call him. Some were filled with I love you's and I need you's. Some of his letters just told me of his day, a hard case, something funny or crazy that one of our mutual friends did. Or something that his son had said. Sometime he sent me a CD claiming the songs might be able to better describe his feelings. Some of them even said that we could pretend that that night had never happened, that we could go back to being just partners and friends, if I would just come home. And they always ended the same way, he would sign his name and then write PS I love you, and I miss you."

"How long did he write the letters for?"

"A year."

Asher shook his head; apparently he had no words at the moment.

"But, Dr B you have been here almost two and a half years. "

"I'm aware Asher, he sent me one last letter and I have not heard from him since."

"And that's the letter that you read every night?"

"Yup"

Glancing up at Asher when he said nothing else, I could tell he was nervous. I knew what he wanted to ask me. I don't know that I would say no if he did, but I wasn't offering it. Fortunately for Asher one of the other students spoke up instead.

"What does it say Dr. Brennan."

"Hmm, I don't even have to read it anymore; I can recite every single word. I do recite every single word in my head all day every day."

"You don't have to tell us."

I looked back at the fire; I could feel the tears at the back of my eyes. He was right I didn't have to tell them, but then again I didn't have to tell them any of my story. Without looking up, I started to recite the letter.

"Bones,

I thought I was over my gambling addiction, but today I realized that I was wrong. I have been gambling for awhile now. I gambled on you, over and over again. I put all my stakes on you Bones. I went all in. I figured I had a good chance. Fifty fifty at least. But I lost. I lost big time. I have nothing left to gamble with. I have finally hit rock bottom. At my meetings they would tell us, that when you have hit rock bottom that in most cases that was when an addict will realize that its time to stop and seek help. Well for me its time to stop. I gave you every opportunity I could think of. Every chance. You never tried, not even once. God if it were not for the fact that I was FBI I wouldn't even know if you were alright or not. Well a man can only take so much. I'm broken, and I have nothing left to give. All I wanted was a sign from you, something, anything. And you gave me nothing, I gave you everything and you gave me nothing. Doesn't really seem fair does it? If you did not love me, you could have just told me, I wouldn't have gone anywhere. I would have been okay just having you in my life. I would have taken you anyway I could have you. I dealt with my feelings for five years, I could have continued had I known that's what you wanted. Had you just talked to me. This will be my last letter Bones, I can't do this anymore. I check my voicemail, my email, every hour, and yet nothing. Did I mean that little to you, that I did not even warrant some sort of response? I'm sorry this letter is not meant to make you feel guilty. I don't know if you will come back now that I have admitted defeat. Maybe that's what you were waiting for all along. But I do know that if you do come back, I will not try and talk to you, I already have a new partner so that won't be an issue. You are free of me Bones, free to resume your life as you once knew it. I would like to say though, that I wish you the best in your future endeavors. Fuck that sounds so cold, and that is not my intention. I have realized that I am not the one for you. I thought I was that I could be the one to break down those walls that you have built up around yourself. The one that you would believe when I said that I would forever be by your side, the one that made you believe in love. The one that you let yourself love. But since I'm not, I can only hope that you find that person. And I do really hope you know that I'm not just saying that because it's the polite thing. With all my heart Bones, I just want you to be happy. I don't know what else to say, maybe there is nothing left. I want to tell you all of the things that you will be missing, but it seems sort of trite. To me it seems like you know you aren't missing anything that you already knew that I couldn't give you what you needed. Please, just be happy Bones. As long as you're happy, I can live with that. I guess that's it, I've said everything I needed to.

From Booth."

I quickly brushed the tears away that had started to fall. There was not a peep from the group of people that had congregated to listen. I slowly stood up refusing to make eye contact with any of them.

"Well that's it I'm going to go to bed."

As I turned to walk away, I heard Asher clear his voice.

"Did he add a PS on that one?"

Without even turning around I answered.

"Yes, but then he erased it."

No waiting for anyone else to speak I quickly stole away to my tent.

Not even bothering to undress, I curled up on my sleeping bag. Burying my face in my pillow I cried. My entire body was heaving as I sobbed. Sobbed for the injustice of the whole thing, for something that could have been so beautiful not being allowed to blossom and grow. I cried for the hurt that I caused the most important person in my life, and I cried that because of my selfish stupidity I had broken two people.

As I felt my tears subside I heard a noise outside my tent.

"Dr Brennan, I know you want to be alone, and maybe it's not my place but I was just wondering, if you loved him so much then how come you didn't write back?"

"I never said anything about loving him."

"Forgive me for the assumption, but if you didn't love him, you would not read the letter every night. I see you read it, and then when you go to bed I hear you cry every night just like you are now. If you didn't love him, you would have contacted him at some point and told him to back off; instead you received every letter and read every one of them. What you feel for him is love, and its time you stopped running. I think it's time for you to go home."

I snorted.

"Go home, to what? I broke him; he is not going to want to see me ever again."

"If you love him then you need to try, you need to put your demons to rest. Even if it's just to tell him you're sorry, tell him that it was never his fault, and tell him that he was what you needed but you were stupid and scared. I know I'm probably stepping over some lines here, but even if he doesn't forgive you, at least he knows that he was good enough. Maybe then both of you can move on. Or maybe he is still waiting for you…you never know."

"I highly doubt that Asher, he sent the last letter over a year ago."

"You need to try Dr Brennan, I think it's time. You need to try and meet him halfway. You never know where life is going to lead us, but nothing will ever get solved if you insist on running and hiding from your problems. I've said my piece, and I will leave you be, but you should think about what I said, Good night."

I didn't even bother responding, just listened as he walked away. What did he know anyway? He was just a kid. But as I fell asleep, I could think about was finally seeing Booth again.


	4. Chapter 4

**TWO DAYS LATER**

For the first time in two years, I let myself into my apartment. One would assume that an abandoned home would be covered in dust, but mine was dust free. Any mail that I had received in my absence was piled neatly on my desk. Besides the fridge and cupboards being empty one would think I had never left. It must have been Angela, she was the only I had given my key too. Unless it was my father and he had broke in to do it. Either way I was grateful, after being on the plane for so long the last thing I wanted to do was clean up.

I walked into my bedroom and dropped my bag on the floor, I would deal with that later, first I wanted a shower.

The hot water felt exquisite. It was the first time in two years that I didn't have to time myself. I leisurely massaged the shampoo and conditioner into my hair. After washing and rinsing myself I stood under the water for at least half an hour just enjoying how wonderful it felt.

Once I was out of the shower, I proceeded to get dressed. I contemplated calling Booth right away but quickly decided against it. I would go to the Jeffersonian first, tell Cam I would like to resume work and try and get some information on Booth so I could decide how to proceed.

Walking into the Jeffersonian felt almost surreal. I hadn't realized how much I missed it until I walked in, smelling the crisp clean air, hearing the white noise of computers seeing all of the employees rushing around as usual. I stopped for a moment just to enjoy when a high pitched shriek got my attention.

"Sweetie!"

I smiled and spotted where the yell had come from. Angela was running to me from her office. When she was close enough I wrapped my arms around her.

"Oh Sweetie I missed you so much, why didn't you tell me you were coming back I would have picked you up at the airport."

Before I could start speaking I felt a hand clap me on the shoulder.

"Dr. B it's good to see you."

I let my arms drop from Angela, and turned to give Hodgins a hug. I was so happy to see them.

"If you guys just give me a second, I want to let Cam know I'm back. Then if you guys meet me in my office we can catch up."

Angela bounced on the spot.

"Ok Sweetie, but hurry. You have been gone so long and I have so much to tell you."

I smiled at them both, and then turned and headed towards Cams office. When I entered she was on the phone. I walked in and tapped her shoulder just to let her know I was here. When she turned around her eyes were as wide as saucers. She appeared to be in shock for a moment but quickly snapped out of it. She muttered something quickly to the person on the other end of her phone call and then promptly hung up.

"Dr. Brennan I am surprised to see you."

"I know it's a shock that I'm here; no one knew I was coming back. But I would like to resume my job here now, effective tomorrow?"

"Of course, we are very happy to have you back."

I smiled at her and then turned to walk out of her office.

"Why did you come back Brennan, why now?"

I turned to look at her.

"It was time."

Sitting at my desk, I couldn't take the smile off of my face. Listening to Angela and Hodgins' detailed rendition of everything that had happened, since I had been gone. They had gotten back together, albeit fairly recently and so far things were fantastic but they were not even touching the getting married thing not for awhile. Sweets and Daisy had gotten married, and now she was pregnant. I was informed that If I seen her to stay out of her way that apparently the pregnancy was making her worse than usual. All of my other interns were still rotating shifts, and Clark was working full time to replace me, but he knew that as soon as I was back that he would be back to alternating again. Cam and Michelle were doing well, although Cam was missing her like crazy now that Michelle had left for college. It was amazing what I had missed, since I had chosen not to contact anyone it was like I was off in a time warp somewhere. Although I know that was impossible its how  
I felt.

"So Sweetie, tell us about you?"

I cocked my head at her; I hadn't expected her to be finished so soon. And I couldn't help but notice that she told me about everybody except the person I wanted to hear about the most.

"Not much to tell Ange I was identifying human remains in a mass grave. It was dirty, and hot, but I accomplished quite a bit and it was very fulfilling."

Angela nodded her head, silently urging me to continue.

"That's it I swear, nothing exciting."

My office was silent for the first time in at least an hour. I went from feeling so very happy to be home to feeling slightly awkward. Angela broke the silence first.

"Well Sweetie, I have a reconstruction to do, maybe we can have some drinks later or tomorrow maybe."

Angela grabbed Jacks arm and started to pull him out of the room.

"Wait Angela."

She stopped at the doorway, not even turning around. Jack looked very nervous, refusing to make eye contact with me. It was clear he wasn't sure what to do.

"Angela what about Booth, how is he doing."

Angela turned around a fake smile plastered on her face.

"He is good Bren."

Then she swiftly turned around and headed out of the office. I sat in shock for a moment not sure what had just happened. She seemed quite avoidant of the topic of Booth. In a way I could understand their hesitance to talk to me, after all I ran. Since I had been gone they had most likely formed a strong allegiance with him. Well if Angela wouldn't talk to me I knew who would.

Approaching Cams office for the second time that day, I wondered how I would broach the subject. Deciding straight to the point, I strolled into the office.

"Cam, since you're the only one I can think of who won't skirt the issue, I've decided to ask you. How is Booth doing?"

Cams shoulders visibly slumped.

"What did Angela tell you?"

"Nothing, just that he is good. I need to go and talk to him, but I would like to know what I'm up against."

Cam walked over to her desk and sat down.

"Dr. Brennan, you should know I am always Booths friend first. I have known that man almost twenty years. Although it feels like I am betraying his confidence, I will tell you. But only because you're right you should know what you're up against before you talk to him. When you left, he remained optimistic for awhile. I guess he sort of expected it. As time wore on he became less optimistic. He became almost desperate. Not only was he constantly checking his mail, but he was calling here nonstop trying to find out if you had spoken to any of us. If we had heard anything. Every day he got worse, he drew a little more into himself, a little more desperate. I had never seen him like that before…ever. I knew he wrote you a million times, and I will admit we all tried to stop him. We told him to let it be, that whatever happened happened. But he swore up and down he would not stop, that the last thing he said to you was that he would spend every day proving his love to you and he meant it. You know what finally broke him? When Parker asked him one day why he didn't want to play anymore. Said that all he does is write letters and check his email and voicemail. Parker asked him if he didn't want to be his daddy anymore. It was a couple of days after that that he wrote you the last letter. He wasn't completely done yet, I could tell for the next couple of weeks that he still waited. Hoping that maybe this letter would make you at least respond. But you didn't, and he was broken. I didn't see or hear from him for two weeks after that, no one did. Then one day he called me to have a drink. He toasted to love, and all that entails. He spoke of broken hearts, and hurting little boys. Then on his last toast he said that he was done, this would be the last night that he pined for you. The ghost of bones would never haunt him again. Next day he strode in here announcing that we had a case, and he never mentioned you again. If someone brought you up he referred to you as Dr. Brennan, and he would quickly change the subject. Most people got the hint, and no one brought you up to him anymore. And slowly but surely he became the Seeley Booth that we all knew and loved. And now he is doing really well, and I'm honestly not sure if it's best that you speak to him. Maybe you just let sleeping dogs lie."

I was in shock, I mean I had an idea what Booth would be like when I left, but hearing it from Cam. I really did break him.

"I'm sorry Cam, maybe your right; maybe I should start looking for employment somewhere else."

"I don't think that necessary, when I see him tonight, I will tell him. Maybe he can just always send his new partner here after that."

I didn't know what to say so I simply thanked her and walked out. I must have had a dazed expression on my face because when Angela seen me she brought me to her office and closed the door. She quickly picked up her phone, I'm assuming she called Cam because she made a reference to what did you tell her. I was too dumbfounded to care. I should not have come back, I was right to not want to. Stupid Asher thinking I should fix everything.

"Sweetie are you ok?"

I was surprised to find Angela sitting beside me, but instead of answering her I merely starred at my hands.

Placing her hand on mine Angela spoke again.

"I'm sure Cam just put you through the ringer, but you need to understand she is Booths friend before yours. I'm your friend first, and even I can't sit here and tell you everything is going to be ok. I can't tell you that what you did wasn't cruel, so I can only imagine what you got from Cam. But that's all over now, you don't ever have to hear that again, if you want you don't even have to see Booth again, so you can just forget and move on."

"But I need to see him Ange; I need to talk to him. There are some things that I would like to say to him."

"Sweetie, can you just trust me when I say that's not a good idea."

This upset me more than anything why was my supposed best friend trying to stop me from doing this. She should understand that I need to talk to him, she was all about feelings and all that shit.

"Angela I need to tell him I'm sorry, try and explain myself. Listen, maybe you and I can have dinner tonight, and we can discuss a game plan that would make it easier. Something that you would be ok with, that way…

"Bren I can't have dinner with you tonight, I have a party to go to."

"Fine then I will go and talk to Booth tonight without you."

"Booth will be at the same party Brennan."

"What I don't understand a party for what? It's nobody's birthday, what's so special about today. And if it's such an important party why can't I come?"

"Because Sweetie its Booths engagement party."


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N Alright people I need some reviews, they are like sustenance to me. More reviews = faster updates.**

I don't know how I got here. Honestly I don't remember much, from the moment Angela told me it was Booths engagement party until now. I know that I went home at some point, because my clothes have been changed. But now im here. Standing outside of The Founding Fathers. I remember going for a walk to clear my head, and now here I am standing outside, watching through the window. I see all of my friends, what used to be my own little family. There is more than one type of family Booth had told me once. And now here I am standing on the outside, looking in.

I know I did this to myself, I know that I have no one to blame but me. That doesn't make it hurt any less. I have yet to see Booth. I see Cam, she is talking to Clark. Clark looks good, from here it seems like he may have loosened up a little bit. I see Angela and Hodgins, her sitting with him standing behind her. Acting like they are privy to the biggest secret ever. Maybe they are. They have found happiness. Maybe it was a secret that I was allowed to know, and I turned it down. I see Jared, he is standing with Padme. Its nice to know that they are still together. I wonder if they got married, I hope they are happy.

I know I shouldn't be here, but I cant seem to pull myself away.

And then I see him. He is hard to miss, he always had a way of commanding the presence of a room by just walking in. He looks good, God he looks better than good.

I had missed him so much, they way he eyes crinkled when he and I shared a smile. They way he guided me into the room with his hand on the small of my back. They way he looked at me like I was the only one in the world. Except in the picture its not me he is smiling at, not me that he is looking at.

She is beautiful. They look so good together, its disgusting. She is not as tall as me, standing beside him she would fit perfectly under his chin. She is also not as curvy as I am, her breasts are smaller, her stomach flatter. He is dark where she is light, he is big where she is small. The perfect couple.

It is obvious that she loves him, they way her eyes are always searching for him. The way that her eyes light up and her lips quirk when she sees him. The way her body is always leaning towards him even if they are not touching.

Its beautiful and it makes me sick.

This is my punishment, this is what I deserve for hurting Booth. If I believed in it I would say Karma is a bitch.

"Hello Dr. Brennan, I had heard you were back."

I didn't need to turn around to hear who it was.

"Hi Sweets, are you guarding the door to make sure I don't crash the party."

"On the contrary, I have actually just arrived myself."

"Alright then, well then do me a favour when you go in please don't tell them that I am here."

"Ok, well I will see you later."

Out of the corner of my eye, I watched him walk towards the door, then stop and turn back. Goddam Sweets was the last person I wanted to talk to right now.

"If you don't mind me asking Dr Brennan why are you here? Is it as you said, to crash the party."

"Don't be ridiculous Sweets its mere coincidence that im here."

"Ah ok, you know you really hurt him"

My shoulders slumped, I knew this already. Did everyone not know that. I read the fucking letter.

"I know I did."

"Then why are you here? To drive the knife a little deeper?"

I finally turned to face him. I was taken aback for a moment. Sweets had done a lot of growing up since I had last seen him. He had a five o clock shadow, last knew he didn't even have to shave. He had also filled out a bit. It didn't take me long to compose myself.

"No, I am not here to hurt him again. I have been told several times today that I should just leave him alone. I didn't come here intentionally Sweets it just sort of happened."

"mmhmm mmhmm, that's interesting."

"Well you haven't changed much have you? I know everyone is on Booths side, and everyone hates me know. Don't worry, I will be going home soon. I wont disrupt the party."

"Dr Brennan if you did have a chance to talk to him, what would you say?"

"I just want to apologize. I want to tell him that he was always good enough. That I was stupid and scared. That the longer I was gone the harder it was for me come back. It just felt too late, and then it was too late. Fuck Sweets I wanted to tell him, that I did love him, that I always have and I always will. I don't know I just want to explain myself, but everyone thinks it's a bad idea, maybe it is."

"I don't think it is."

"You don't?"

"Well I think tonight would be a bad time to do it, but yah I do think you should tell him."

"Why Sweets, why do you think I should say something when everyone else thinks I shouldn't."

"Because everyone else does not know what I do."

"and what is that Sweets."

"That he never let you go, yah he may appear to be over you but he isn't. he is forcing himself to move on, he thinks every step he takes away from you that you will eventually leave his heart completely. You can tell by the way he interacts with Kherington."

"Is that her name?"

"Oh well yes, but we mostly call her Kheri. Look at them together you can see he hasn't let you go just from watching them."

"You're going to have to enlighten me Sweets, because I don't read people like you do, and they seem plenty happy to me."

"You don't see it because, you feel you deserve this punishment. No one else sees it because they just want Booth to be happy. I see it because I have been trained to look for that sort of thing."

I rolled my eyes.

"Get on with it Sweets."

"Ok look at Angela and Hodgins first. Watch how they move together. Watch how Hodgins adjusts himself whenever she moves. Its almost like they are dancing, when they are just sitting together. They do that completely subconsciously, most people who are truly in love do. Now watch Kheri and Booth. She loves him its true because she demonstrates the same movement as Angela and Hodgins. But Booth, watch when she leans towards him, and he leans away. How she always the first to initiate contact. When he guides her out of the room, his hand doesn't actually touch her back. There is much more to see when your up close and personal but trust me he hasn't let you go."

"So you think I still have a chance."

"I do, but I don't think you should take that chance."

"What?"

"I think you need to let him go, because you never answered him he never got his closure. He needs that to finally let you go."

"Well why should I do that?"

"Because it's the right thing to do , because you had your turn and now its Kheri's. She is a good women she treats him right, she loves his son, she is good for him. Booth decided somewhere along the lines that in order to get over you he needed to move on. He had been with Kheri for about eight months now. And she has been good for him. You need to let him go, if you really love him, let him be happy. Now if you don't mind I am going to join the party for my friend. Please think about what I said. Goodnight Dr Brennan."

I nodded, and watched him go inside. He was right, God I hated it but he was right. But I couldn't do it to his face, I knew that I could not see him in front of me, smell him, feel his presence. I knew that if I did this in person I would break down and beg him to love me again. No I will write him a letter tell him everything that he needs to know. The irony of it didn't escape me, but it seemed like the best thing to do. I took one last look at him. He was so fucking beautiful.

"Goodbye Booth."


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N This chapter changes POV, just so you don't get confused ;) Also this chapter is M so if that sort of thing offends you, you might want to skip it.**

I can't explain it, what made me look up at the window at just that moment. My gut just spoke to me. And there she was my own personal ghost. I just caught a glimpse of her, before she walked away. But I knew without a shadow of a doubt that it was her. I was in shock, why was she here, why now? Was she here to play with my emotions again? Ruin everything that I had started to build just to fuck me over and leave me. I had to find out, there was no way I was letting her walk away again.

"Kheri babe, I'm just going to step out for a second and get some air ok?"

"Sure Baby, are you ok?"

I smiled and leaned down to place a chaste kiss on her lips.

"Yah I'm fine, I will be back in just a minute."

As soon as I was sure that she was not going to follow me I dashed out the door and ran right smack dab into Sweets.

"Whoa, Booth sorry I'm late, Daisy was having a craving. Plus she was whining because she couldn't come here tonight."

I tried to push past him but he was relentless.

"Booth where are you going?"

"She was out there Sweets I saw her, standing at the window just a second ago. Wait a second you were just out there. Did you see her.

Sweets sighed.

"Yes Booth I did more than see her, I spoke to her."

I nearly growled at him.

"What is she doing here?"

"She wanted to talk to you, but I convinced her tonight would not be the best time."

"You did what? How could you, did it ever occur to you that I want to talk to her?"

"Calm down Booth, I know you do, and I told her that she should talk to you, but tonight is your engagement party you should not be dredging up old demons tonight."

Sweets was right as he usually was the little shit. I had a woman in there that loved me, and was waiting for me to get back. A woman who was worried when I said I needed to step outside, a woman I had no business disappointing. I clapped Sweets on the shoulder.

"Alright kid, well now that everyone is here let's get this party started."

I pasted a smile on my face the entire night. I hate that I was letting her consume me like this again. Kheri deserved my entire attention. And Lord forgive me I tried, but there was more than one time that I spaced out and someone had to snap at me to get my attention. It must have gotten really bad because as I stepped out of the washroom I was bombarded by Cam and Angela. These two women had been life savers in the time that Bones..I mean Brennan was gone. I never expected it from Angela, but she has become one of my best friends.

"Ok guys, I know she is back that's why I seem distant."

Cam looked very upset at this and merely shook her head.

"Did you talk to her?"

"No Angela it's my engagement party it would be entirely inappropriate but it does have me a little off kilter. It's almost like seeing a ghost. But don't you ladies worry, I have a beautiful fiancé in there and she is just the person to bring me back on kilter."

I put each of my arms around their shoulders and led them back to the bar. I couldn't let them see how this was getting to me, and thankfully they had no more questions.

The rest of the night went smoothly and I was able to keep my shit together. But she was there in the back of my mind. Finally the night was finished. I said my goodbye to everyone and got in the cab with Kheri.

She was wonderfully attentive as usual, saying and doing all of the right things. We burst into my apartment in a frenzy of kissing. I led her down the hall to my bed. I was determined to kiss Brennan right out my head. I threw Kheri down and watched as she started to undress for me. She was very pretty, maybe a little short and a little small, but still extremely attractive. I lunged on the bed after her. Covering her body with my own letting my full weight rest on her. I took her hands and held them above her head. She looked up at me so innocently. I didn't want to look her in the eyes so I dove in and attacked her mouth. I kissed her with everything I had, trying to block Brennan out of my head. I didn't stop to take a breath. I squeezed me eyes shut. I ground my erection against her while she squirmed underneath me. I reached down with my free hand to see if she was ready for me. She was wet, usually it took time to work her up but I assume the drinking got her more than ready enough. I unzipped my jeans and shoved them down. I finally had to pull my face away I needed to breathe. I buried my face in her neck and took a breath, all I could think of was how she didn't smell like Brennan. This made me angry. I gripped Kheri's leg and threw it over my shoulder and dove inside her. I couldn't stop, I was fucking her so hard. I could hear the slap of our skin together, I could hear her moaning, and goddammit it wasn't Brennan moaning. I just keep repeating in my head over and over. Go away go away. I pumped her harder lifting her other leg to my shoulder. I couldn't stop, I couldn't open my eyes. Go away go away.

It took me a minute to notice that Kheri was trying to get my attention, she had placed her hands on my face.

I finally opened my eyes.

"Seeley can you calm down your hurting me."

I simply starred at her for a moment.

Oh god

"I'm sorry baby I'm sorry."

"It's okay I like rough sometimes let's just tone it down a bit ok?"

I was devastated I had just fucked my fiancé to the point of hurting her just to try and get Brennan out of my mind. I mumbled I'm sorry over and over while kissing down her legs. Soon she was whimpering again. I moved my way closer to her centre. Placing a kiss on her I looked up told her I was sorry again and moved down to make love to her with my mouth. Soon she was writhing on the bed, She didn't seem to notice that I was continually tracing I'm sorry with my tongue. In moments she came for me and I kissed my way up her body and snuggled her close to my chest. She usually fell asleep pretty fast after an orgasm so I snuggled up next to her soothing her hair until she was fast asleep against me.

As soon as I was certain that she was sleeping, I crept out of the bed, and got dressed. I was going to see Brennan now, she would talk to me now so that I could get this over and get on with my life.


	7. Chapter 7

I just couldn't get it right. I am a writer for god sake. This should be easy.

I had been sitting at my laptop for a couple of hours now, and I still had nothing. How did you write a letter to someone telling them that you love them, but want them to move on? I don't even know if I want him to move on. What I do know Is that I want to feel his arms around me, even just one more time. I want to hear him call me Bones again. I want to bicker with him again, share one of our secret smiles. If I tell him that I am sorry, but that our time is past it feels like I would be lying to him. I don't want to lie to him, I never did.

But lying is exactly what I did every time I didn't respond to one of his letters. Lying is what I did every time I let him think that I didn't love him, and that I didn't need him.

BANG BANG BANG

Confused by the banging, I checked the time. It was almost 3:30 in the morning, who could possibly be banging on my door at this time.

BANG BANG BANG

"Open the door Dr. Brennan or I will kick it down, I know that you are in there."

Oh my god Booth. Cam must have told him I was back, or Sweets the little rat bastard. I could pretend that I wasn't home. No he sounded angry, I can only assume that he would make good on his threat to break it down.

Slowly I reached for the dead bolt, and then the door chain. Taking a deep breath I slowly opened the door.

"Hi Booth."

He nods at me curtly.

"I'm coming in; we are not having this conversation in the hallway."

I moved out of the way to let him in, and then closed the door behind me. I watched as he headed towards the couch, then apparently changed his mind and started to pace my living room. He looked agitated, running his hands over his face.

"Do you want some tea?"

He finally looks up at me, almost as though he forgot I was here.

"Tea? No I don't want any fucking tea. What I want is an explanation. Why the fuck are you here? Why now? You are determined to make both of us bitter and alone I assume."

"Booth, I didn't know that you were engaged when I decided to come back. I only found out today."

"When did you get back?"

"Today. Booth if you would just sit we can maybe get this over as quick and as painless as possible. I have some things that I would like to say to you, as I'm sure you have some things to say to me."

"I have nothing more to say to you, I have said everything I could possibly say. But I would like an explanation though. But I'm not sitting, and I'm not drinking tea. I'm going to stand right here, and you are going to tell me exactly why it is you saw fit to tear my heart out and cut it into little pieces."

I wanted to tell him how impossible that was, but I knew that would probably be the wrong thing to say.

"Booth, you scared me. One minute we are there at your place having a good time, being friends, and the next we are making love in your bed. It had never felt that way for me, I felt so full. My heart, my soul and my body. And those thought scared me, I don't think like that. I should know that it would be impossible for my heart and soul to feel full. And yet that was the only way to describe it. Lying there after, I was floating. I couldn't deal with that. I was scared. Scared that it hadn't been that way for you, scared that I was alone in my feelings. I was scared that this could be the greatest thing that had ever happened to me, and then you would decide that I wasn't enough for you. I left because I needed to think, I prayed to god that maybe you would just forget it happened and we could go back. But then you said those things about proving your love, it should have been exactly what I needed to squelch my fears. But in fact it did the total opposite. That was irrational, and I just got more scared, because I hated that you made me irrational. I knew things could never go back. So I left. I went somewhere far, somewhere that I could only hope that I would get myself back. My rational self. Then you started writing me letters. I read every one of those letters. At first, I didn't want you to send them; I needed you to leave me alone. I thought that if I didn't respond that you would stop. But you never did. It was not until the very last letter, that I realized I loved your letters that I didn't want you to stop. I thought about writing back to that one. Or just coming back and showing up at your doorstep. But then I thought it was too late. I waited and waited for just one more letter, if you just wrote one more, I would come back, But you never did, and every day that passed it became harder and harder to justify coming back. You had run out of love for me. Just when I realized that I had made a big mistake, you had decided enough was enough. So I stayed there. I read that letter every night, reminding myself of what I had given up. I didn't want to forget the pain that I had caused you, I felt I deserved that."

Booth didn't say anything he just stared at me. I was beginning to feel nervous; this was the part that I didn't want to say, the part where I tell him that we should have no more contact that I was letting him go.

"Brennan, are you saying that you realized you loved me, but that you thought it was too late?"

I could only nod my head, that's exactly what I had thought. I felt the first of my tears drop. I didn't want to cry, I hated to cry. All I wanted to do was touch him, but he was standing so far across the room. His body was rigid, he was still so angry at me.

Suddenly he started to walk towards me. I couldn't move, I was frozen in place. I wanted him close, but was so afraid of my reaction.

When he was close enough that I could feel his breath on my face, he finally spoke.

"It was never too late Bones; it's still not too late."

And with that his lips descended upon my own. I had never felt anything so wonderful in my entire life. His lips were soft at first, gently brushing over my own. He wrapped his fingers in my air pulling me closer. When his teeth nipped at my bottom lip I couldn't control the gasp. As soon as my mouth was open, he took advantage and thrust his tongue inside. I finally got control of my body parts and wrapped my arms around his neck. I never wanted him to stop; I could spend the rest of eternity right here.

When he finally had to pull away for air he nuzzled his nose in my neck. I could feel him take a deep breath, and then his body stiffened. Putting his hand on my shoulders he pushed me away.

"We shouldn't be doing that."

Of course I knew he was right, this hadn't been my plan. I knew it was better for me to write a letter. I stepped further away from him so the both of us could get a grasp on our emotions.

"I'm sorry Booth. For everything. Maybe I should just leave…

"Do not even say that. We can work through this. I told you that I would happy to have you in my life any way I could and I meant that. I am an engaged man, and we can be nothing more than friends. But I would rather be your friend then nothing at all."

"I agree Booth; I need you to know that I will be happy. I want you to marry Kherington and live happily ever after. As long as you are my friend Booth I will be happy."

Booth nodded his head.

"Booth it's um late, and I should really get to bed. I start work back at the Jeffersonian tomorrow."

"Yah you're right. Do you want to have lunch tomorrow? I do really want us to be friends. I would like to introduce you to Kheri."

I nodded my consent.

"I would like that Booth; I will meet you there at 1:00. Good night Booth."

I opened the door for him, he seemed to hesitate a moment, then he made up his mind and walked through the door. Goodnight Brennan"

I closed the door behind him, and leaned my back against it. Placing my fingers to my lips, I started to cry. What have I done? How was it going to ever feel right again.


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N this chapter is from "the other woman's" POV.**

To say I was nervous would be an understatement. How exactly do I go about meeting the infamous Dr. Brennan? Am I supposed to be polite? Should I act smug, because I got the guy? Should I be more empathetic because she lost, and I know I would be completely heartbroken if I ever lost Seely Booth?

We arrived at the diner a little bit early. Seely ordered for the two of us, and her. It unnerved me a bit that he knew exactly what to order. I needed to get over this; he wanted us all to be friends. Says that he will probably be seeing her quite often at work again, which also unnerves me. If I am mean to her, he will be mad at me and I don't want that.

His entire demeanor changes when she sits down. Now it seems as though he is the one who is nervous. He introduces us, and I shake her hand with a friendly smile. He tells her that he has ordered for her. She smiles a crooked smile at this. Asks him if he got her usual. He smiles back at her and nods. The conversation dies there, and the silence is definitely awkward. I want to say something, but am not sure what. Thankfully the food arriving breaks the tension for now. It gives me a few more moments to observe her. She is breathtakingly beautiful. Separately all of her features would be odd, but put all together on her face is stunning. Her demeanor appears confident, and she eats slowly enjoying every bite. She is vegetarian. I should have guessed, she seems like she would just be that perfect. When she notices me staring at her she smiles warmly at me. Either she is genuine or she is working some sort of angle. From what I have been told she is not the manipulative type, but I was definitely going to have to come to my own conclusion on that one. 

"So Dr. Brennan what made you decide to finally come back?"

Her smile falters a bit, but she doesn't miss a beat.

"It was time. I had accomplished a great deal, and am confident that the knowledge I taught the students will be sufficient in finishing the job."

I wanted to mock her so badly. Does she always talk like that? Instead I simply nodded and went back to my lunch. Seely had not said much yet, but I felt him nudge me under the table urging me to continue the conversation. But before I could speak, she pipes up.

"So when is the wedding?"

Ah now this was a subject that I could speak about with ease.

"Six months. We have already booked the church. But there is so much more to do…"

I babbled on about flowers, and Djs. She listened attentively, nodding and smiling at all the right moments. That damn half smile was really getting on my nerves though. She seemed to do it subconsciously, but every time that she did Seely smiled back at her. It was getting harder to be nice to her. I wanted to yell at her, stop being so perfect. I wanted to yell at him, stop looking at her. It was clear that these two had shared something special. But it was mine now, it was all mine.

"And since I don't have any sisters of my own, and not many female friends, I have asked Angela to be my maid of honor, and Cam and Daisy will be my bridesmaids."

And I could finally say goodbye to that stupid infuriating half smile.

"And they agreed?"

"Of course they did, why would they say no. We have all become very close, I would have to consider Angela and Cam some of my best friends."

She looked down at her food for a moment, seeming to contemplate something. Seely was frowning. Good on them, maybe now they could feel the awkwardness that I had been feeling this entire time. I feigned ignorance at the hurt my statement caused.

"What's wrong Dr. Brennan?"

She shook her head at me, but would not meet my eyes. Instead she just looked up to gaze out the window. Seely reached out for her hand and said just one word.

"Bones..."

And the fucking smile was back. She pulled her hand out from under Seely's and returned her gaze to me.

"I'm glad you and they have become such good friends, they are good people. I'm glad you can realize that and understand the privilege it is to be able to call them friends. Now I must get going, I have a lot to work to do. I have started a new book today as well; as soon as my publisher heard I was back she was all over me."

She reached out and took my hand.

"It's nice to meet you Kheri, if I may call you that."

I nodded my consent to her.

"Yes Dr. Brennan it was nice to meet you too."

She smiled at me.

"Just Brennan please, I'm sure we can forget all of the formalities now. Have a good day, good bye Booth."

She threw some money on the table and then strolled out the door.

I turned to look at Seely, he was watching her leave.

"Well she was nice."

I lied through my teeth.

"That was not as awkward as I thought it was going to be."

"Yah she is an extraordinary women. Come on let's get out of here I have a mountain of paperwork to get done before I can leave tonight."

As we left the diner I could only think two things, I hated her, and I was determined to make Seely Booth hate her too.


	9. Chapter 9

"Angela, I'm just feeling a little anxiety here. I know it's irrational, but I feel like this woman has taken my place completely."

I knew logically, that it wasn't Angela's fault; it wasn't anyone's fault but my own. But the shock of hearing, that my best friend was to be the maid of honor in the man I love's soon to be wedding. Well it had me feeling a little bit illogical.

"Bren, don't be mad. You left. It wasn't just Booth that you left behind it was all of us. You didn't talk to any of us for two and half years. And she didn't take your place. She is a nice woman, one whom I actually like. I didn't choose between the two of you when I agreed to be her maid of honor. You had made your decision, and the rest of us had to learn to live with it.

I know she was right, I really did. I don't know, I just felt like I had nothing, that nothing was sacred to me anymore.

"You don't think that I had to learn to live with my decisions as well?"

Angela sighed and placed her hand on my shoulder.

"You may have thought you were living with your decisions, but what you were really doing was hiding. We had to deal with the aftermath of your sudden departure. We had to continue working here, solving murders, and trying to help Booth pick up the pieces. If this woman is making Booth happy, then she is alright in my books. And I will stand next to her while she marries the man that you left behind."

She turned away and headed towards the door.

"And Bren, its time you realized the damage you caused to all of us. I still love you, and I always will. You are my best friend, but we didn't sit and wait for you to come back, you need to understand that."

And with that she walked out of my office.

I wanted to cry, I wanted to rip out my hair. I wanted to kick every object in my office. But I didn't. Angela was so very right. I couldn't just come back and expect everything to be normal. I had to work so that everyone would renew their trust in me. I don't know how exactly I was going to do that, only that I was going to. I may have ruined things with Booth for good, but at least I had a shot getting my family back.


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N sorry it took so long, ive had a busy weekend. I hope everyone is ok with these chapters. It took some time for me to figure out where exactly i wanted this story to go. But now that ive got it, the rest of it should be coming soon. once again to beta, so all mistakes are my own. **

* * *

It was different here now. It has taken a couple of days for the excitement of my return to dissipate. Now that it has I cant help but notice that its different here. The people that I have grown to know and love have changed. Not necessarily for the worst or for the better. Just changed. Angela used to run to my office to tell me something exciting, or ask me questions about the changing dynamic of mine and Booths partnership. But now there was none of that. I only seen Angela on the platform or if I went into her office. She hadn't once come into my office for something non work related.

It hurt it really did. And I don't know how to get things back to the way they used to be. If they would ever go back. Had I hurt everyone that much? Seeing Hodgins walk by my office, I motioned for him to come in. Im sure that he would be honest with me.

"Whats up Dr. B? I don't think that I have any particulate results that you need."

"No, I was just wondering does Angela hate me?"

He looked shocked for a second, but his face quickly replaced shock with sympathy.

"Of course not, she loves you. She has and always will be your best friend. It will just take some time you know? People have gotten so used to you not being here, that we forget sometimes that you are back. "

"So you don't think I've done irreparable damage to our friendship?"

He seemed to contemplate the question for a moment.

"I wouldn't say that. I know she was hurt by your sudden departure, and then even more hurt by your refusal to contact anyone. How could she not be? I think you just need to take it slow. Let her trust you again. I know she is very excited to have you back. I just think that she is treading lightly waiting for you to flee again. And she doesn't want to be that hurt all over again. You understand what im saying?"

I nodded, everything he said made logical sense.

"So you think Angela just needs to see that im not going anywhere?"

"Yah that's exactly what im saying. Just give her time. I promise she will be annoying you again soon."

I smiled at his comment.

"Thanks Hodgins."

He smiled back at me, and exited my office. Maybe I would invite Angela to lunch sometime this week. Try to convince her to go on one of those shopping sprees that she enjoyed so much. Maybe what we both need is just some good old fashioned girl time. I sent her an IM to come and see me as soon as she got a chance, and then stood up to put my lab coat on. Turning around I was surprised to see that Kheri had entered my office.

"Hello ."

I was a little confused to hear the emphasis that she had put on the "DR" but I ignored it and smiled warmly at her.

"Hello Kheri, what brings you here?"

"I think we need to have a women to women talk. If you have a moment of course."

I nodded my consent and gestured for her to sit on the couch in my office. Quickly joining here.

"Ok what does this women to women talk entail?"

She smiled at me, a smile which didn't quite reach her eyes. I was beginning to feel uncomfortable, I couldn't shake the feeling that this was not a friendly visit.

"Im going to say somethings, and I would prefer if you wouldn't interrupt. If you would just let me get them out before replying that would be greatly appreciated."

I nodded.

"ok."

"Dr. Brennan, I know all about you. I have been told many times by everyone around here how super fantastic you are. I know all about your history with Seely, and how you broke his heart. I know all about your past, and your broken family with criminal parents. I have made sure I am very educated on the subject of you. When I first started seeing Seely, I was competing with the ghost of you. It was hard, and it took a lot of effort. But eventually he started to see that you aren't so fucking perfect. And he stopped comparing you and I. Once that happened he finally started opening up, I met his friends, his family and his son. And I made sure they all liked me. Even some of them that I didn't really like. You see I had made up my mind that I was going to marry Seely Booth, and if that meant being friendly to his weird friends, or annoying grandfather then so be it. What im trying to say is that, I have put in a great deal of time and effort to be where I am in his life now. He is mine, the life that you left behind its mine now. Not just Seely, but your friends, your diner. Anything that you felt was a part of your life here. Well its mine now. And I will stop at nothing to make sure that it remains mine. Do I make myself clear?"

I starred at her wide eyed? I honestly couldn't believe what I was hearing. I wanted to yell at her. Booths friends were not weird, and his grandfather was endearing not annoying. I wanted to scream, for her to get out of my office and not come back. But I couldn't, they only people to hear this conversation were her and I. No one would believe me. They would simply think that I was just trying to get rid of her. All I wanted was my little make shift family back, and that wouldn't happen if I proceeded to alienate the newest member. So instead I nodded solemnly and muttered.

"Crystal."

She smiled at me again, and stood up.

"Good now that that is clear, I have to be running. I have a dress fitting at noon, and am meeting Seely for lunch at one. Busy Busy Busy…Have a good day Dr. Brennan."

And with that she was out of my office.

It was so quiet after she left, that I actually doubted wether it happened at all. But the sickly smell of her perfume still lingered. It had actually happened. What did she mean by stop at nothing? Didn't she understand I had no intentions of threatening her new happy life. I just wanted everyone I loved to be happy, even if that meant I had to make sacrifices to do it.

I was broken out of my thoughts by a tentative knock on my door.

"Bren, you wanted to see me?"

I smiled, I had almost forgotten about Angela.

"Yah Ange would you like to go to lunch with me? We have a lot of girl time to catch up on, and I have rather missed it"

Angelas bright smile almost brought tears to my eyes. It was such a relief to see that Hodgins was right and that she didn't hate me.

"Of course Bren, I will meet you out front in fifteen minutes."

Things could be good again. Maybe I had lost Booth, but saving my friendship with Angela would be the light at the end of my tunnel.


	11. Chapter 11

Sitting at my desk, after having lunch with Angela, I actually felt myself feeling happy. Of course there were many things in the back of my mind that wanted to burst free and rain on my parade. But I wouldn't let them. The lunch had been fantastic. We talked, and we laughed. We left all sad conversations alone, and only spoke about good things. It felt like old times, and then just as we arrived back at the Jeffersonian Angela pulled me into a hug. She told me how happy she was that I was back, and that if I ever did that again she would hunt me down and kill me. I simply hugged her back, and promised her that would never happen.

I felt so much lighter. I felt like I had been holding the weight of the world on my shoulders for so long, that it was nice to finally relieve myself of some of that weight.

I practically floated to the platform. I had a skull reconstruction to do, and I had never been so excited to be doing one. Back in my home, with my friends and coworkers working around me. I could make things work; I could make things good again.

I was so engrossed in my thoughts, that I didn't hear the tell tale chime of someone coming up the platform steps. I didn't hear anyone come toward me. It wasn't until he said my name that I even noticed his presence.

"Dr. Brennan?"

I didn't have to turn to identify the owner of the voice, but I turned anyway only because I wanted to look at him. It was the first time in a so very long time that we had been here together.

"Hi Booth, what's up?"

He just stared at me. It appeared as though he was in shock. Had he forgot about my return? No that didn't make any sense, unless of course he was losing his mind.

"Booth why are you just staring at me like that?"

"I can't believe you would just act like nothing happened."

Now I was the one whom I believe was in shock. What was he talking about? We had agreed to try and be friends, had he just decided he would rather stay mad at me?

"Booth, you're going to have to be specific as to what we are talking about."

He rolled his eyes at me.

"You sure do have a lot of balls Brennan."

"I don't think I'm following."

"I'm referring to your little conversation with my fiancé this morning."

I widened my eyes at him. She told him? That doesn't seem right. Why would she tell him all of the nasty things that she had said? And if she did why was he mad at me?

"What did she tell you?"

He looked furious, his entire body tense.

"She told me everything. So there is no use in trying to hide it."

"I wasn't trying to hide anything Booth; I simply thought it best not to tell you about it."

"You thought it best?"

He was definitely in a rage now; he was standing so close to my face and yelling directly at me. He had never yelled at me like this before.

"Of course you thought it best not to tell me, but what you obviously weren't counting on was her telling me."

"You're right Booth, I didn't think she would tell you but I don't understand why you're mad at me."

"This isn't a fucking game Dr. Brennan. My life and my feelings are not a game. You know I thought you were genuinely sorry, that you understood the repercussions of your actions and were prepared to deal with the consequences. I didn't believe you had it in you to be manipulative, but apparently that was something you picked up in the two and a half years you were gone."

I was thoroughly confused now.

"Booth, I don't understand what you are talking about. Why are you mad at me?"

"I am mad because Kheri comes here to invite you to lunch with us. She came here trying to start a friendship with you. And what do you do, you tell her in no uncertain terms that she had better back off, that I was yours, that the squints were yours. And that you would do everything you could to get us back."

A crowd had started to form; this situation was moving fast out of control.

"I never said those things."

He chuckled wryly.

"No I'm certain that you used more squinty talk when you said it. But trust me she got the gist of it. I wanted to be your friend Brennan. I wanted to have you in my life some way. But no, you had to go and fuck it all up didn't you? I'm not yours. I may have been at one time. But I am most certainly not anymore. I am engaged to be married to Kheri, and nothing you can do will change that. And as for the squints. Well maybe you should let them make their own decisions about who they want to be friends with. After this little stint though, I highly doubt they will choose you."

The feeling of wanting to scream out loud came to me again. It seemed it happened a lot lately.

"You left Brennan, you fucked everything up. You had everything, and things were really fucking good. But you couldn't handle it. Well you have no one to blame the mess you are in but yourself. For once in your life stop being so fucking selfish. Just because you don't have feelings doesn't mean other people don't either. Maybe you should remember that the next time someone puts their love and trust in you."

He was right, I had made my bed and now I had to lie in it. It could be so easy to dispute what she said. More than likely they would not believe me, and then I would also be a liar. So instead I just ducked my head, I didn't deny anything just accepted.

"Just stay out of my life. I don't want to be friends with you, hell I would rather have lunch with some of my enemies then you. I have let you fuck my shit up for way too long. And even though I swore that it wouldn't happen again, when you showed up I let it. Well it's done now. If you see me in the street, don't talk to me, don't look at me. You are nothing to me. You are dead to me Bones."

He said Bones with such venom in his voice. Like he hated the very thought of it. Then he left.

I was left standing on the platform with at least 20 sets of eyes on me. I wouldn't cry with all of them watching. If I could just get to my office.

I held my head high, and started to walk. I noticed Hodgins; he stared at me for a moment and then simply turned his back on me. I wouldn't cry. I wouldn't.

I stepped off the platform, and came face to face with Cam. She simply shook her head at me and then turned away as well.

I didn't win the battle with my tears; they started gushing down my face as I ran to my office.


	12. Chapter 12

I slammed everything in my office that I could think of. I slammed the door; I slammed by phone down on my desk. I slammed the desk drawer after depositing my gun and holster inside. But nothing remotely gave me the satisfaction that I thought it would. I was either going to have to take a round out of a punching bag, or head to the range tonight after work.

I couldn't believe it. Or maybe I could. I don't know. I just don't fucking know. I want to say that it's not like her to act manipulative like that. But do I even really know her anymore? To be honest, I am just as mad at myself as I am at her. I should have known better. I should not have let her back into my life again. I am such an idiot. I put my head down on my desk. Hopefully Brennan decided to listen to me, when I told her to stay out of my life. I just needed to be away from her to be able to think clearly.

"Booth we need to talk."

I jumped up. I had been so lost in my thoughts that I didn't hear her come in.

"Angela, I know she is your best friend, but seriously how can you come here to take her side after everything that she did to me, to you even."

Angela smiled sweetly at me; she really was a great person. I don't think I gave the squints nearly enough credit before Brennan left.

"Booth, if I thought she deserved it I wouldn't be here to talk to you, but there is something that you need to know about today's conversation.

"What could I possibly need to know, I've heard everything that I need to know. She was out of line, and I'm not giving her any more chances. You weren't there Angela, you don't know the things that she said specifically, but from what I hear it was some pretty vile shit."

Angela shook her head.

"That's just it Booth, I was there. Bren had sent me an IM asking me to come to her office. When I walked up, I saw that Kheri was there so I kind of just lingered there for a moment. And I will have you know I was quite surprised with what I heard.

I smirked.

"No shit Angela, so was I."

"No Booth, Kheri lied to you. Everything that she told you was a lie.

"So you're telling me that Dr. Brennan didn't say those things to my fiancé?"

"No she didn't."

I was confused, Brennan didn't say those things, well why would Kheri lie?

"Ok Angela, then what did she say?"

Angela placed her hand on my forearm.

"Bren didn't say much of anything, she mostly just listened. All those things that Kheri told you Brennan said, well it was actually Kheri that said them.

I didn't have words. None of this was making any sense.

"Booth, she told Brennan to go away to back off, that you, that we were her's now. She also said that your friends are weird, and your grandfather is annoying."

I shook my head adamantly. This can't be right. I was beginning to get very agitated.

"Angela…"

"No, I know it doesn't make sense to you, but I'm telling the truth. But you don't have to believe me."

She reached inside her purse and pulled out a disc, setting it on my desk.

"I pulled the video footage from Brennan's office, so that you could have proof. Audio and video right there. Take a look. But in my opinion, you have a lot of thinking to do."

Then without waiting for my response turned and promptly left my office.

Wow, I was not expecting that. Angela defending Brennan that made sense. Kheri not only saying those nasty things, but lying to me about who said them as well, that did not make sense.

I loaded the CD into my computer. The video was cued up right at the exact moment that Kheri walked into Brennan's office. I watched in shock as everything that Angela had said happened before my eyes. After the video finished, I sighed loudly and placed my head in my hands. What was I going to do now?


	13. Chapter 13

I have never felt so utterly defeated in my entire life. Not when my parents left, not when my brother left. Not when I thought Booth had died. Sitting alone in my office, it only hurt more that not one person followed me in to see if I was ok.

I had alienated everyone that I loved and cared for, and now they didn't want anything to do with me. My friends, my family. I had nothing now. I should have never come back. I may have been miserable when I was away, but that didn't compare to now. There I was practically ignorant on the hurt that I caused, but now I am well aware of what I have done.

I never thought that I would be saying this but Karma really is a bitch.

I just wanted to go to sleep; maybe this was all just a dream. Maybe when I woke up this whole ugly mess will never have happened, and it would be three years ago when everything made sense.

I know it was just wishful thinking. But at this point I had nothing left, but wishes.

I curled up on my couch and closed my eyes. Right now the only thing that I could think of that might bring me a reprieve from all of this bullshit was some sleep.

* * *

"Sweetie wake up."

Not wanting to open my eyes I grumbled something about being left alone. I heard a chuckle.

"Come on Sweetie, its after seven you should go home."

Finally finding the strength to open my eyes, I find Angela standing in front of me with a big smile on her face.

"Angela, why are you talking to me? Everyone should hate me now. I should have never come back."

Angela's smile was quickly replaced with a frown.

"Alright Sweetie you listen to me, and you listen to me good. I don't hate you; in fact I never hated you. I love you; if I didn't love you then it wouldn't have hurt me so much when you left. But it did hurt, and even though I'm still a bit angry about it, I am happier that you are back. As for leaving again, I'm pretty sure that we already had this conversation earlier today. I will hunt you down, and I will kill you. "

"But Angela, after today I would have assumed that any happy feelings you had towards my return would have been instantly replaced with anger."

Angela's smile returned, and she shook her head.

"I know what really happened today, I was standing outside your door. And not only that but I have informed Booth of the mistake that he made, I don't know what he intends to do about Kheri, but he knows the truth now. And that is all that matters."

I couldn't help but smile back at her. She was like my own personal guardian angel. I couldn't control myself, as I jumped up and hugged her.

"Thank you Angela, thank you for being in the right place at the right time. Thank you for wanting me here, and thank you for speaking up on my behalf when I clearly don't deserve it. Thank you for being my best friend."

She laughed out loud at my outburst and proceeded to hug me back.

"You're welcome Bren. Now if you don't mind, I have a hot date with an entomologist."

She pulled back from the hug holding my shoulders and staring intensely into my eyes.

"I will see you in the morning right? No more running away."

I shook my head.

"No more running away."

"Good. Now go home, and I will see you tomorrow."

She pulled me back in for a quick hug, and then left.

I stood there for a moment after she left. I suddenly didn't feel so defeated anymore. Just having one person on my side made all of the difference in the world. As a rule I hated clichés but as it was famously said tomorrow is another day, and I intended to make the most of it.


	14. Chapter 14

I don't know how I am going to do this. I don't know what I am going to do, or what I am going to say.

I walked into my apartment, and threw my keys on the table. I knew she was here; she was always here to greet me after work. Something that I had once found quite endearing was not something I dreaded. I wasn't ready for this, whatever it was going to be. I wanted to be mad at her, but I couldn't be. I was angry with myself. I had created this situation from the very beginning. All I knew for certain was that things needed to be fixed, I wasn't sure how I would make things right. But that's what I did. I was Seely Booth and I made things right.

"Hey baby."

I heard, her moving around in the kitchen, probably making dinner.

I walked in behind her. She was the picture of domesticity. Whatever she was cooking smelled great. She had been doing the dishes as she was going along. The table was set. She was even wearing an apron. It was everything I had ever wanted when I was growing up. This was the kind of life I had dreamed about. We were going to be married, start a family. We were going to build a solid life together, and in fifty years we were going to be old and sitting in rocking chairs watching our grandchildren run around in the yard. That is what I had always planned. But things rarely work out the way that we plan do they? I didn't plan on meeting Brennan, and the two of us becoming the best crime fighting team in the district. I didn't plan on her slowly becoming the closest friend I had ever had, I didn't plan on falling in love with her, and I sure as hell didn't plan on her leaving and breaking my heart.

Maybe I was trying too hard to do this thing with Kheri. Trying to get some semblance of what I had once thought I wanted. I am a firm believer that God has a plan for us, what if his plan was just different from what I thought it should be.

I don't know what I think anymore, but I will tell you what I do know. I know that I am a good man. A man that doesn't balk at my responsibilities. I made a commitment to Kheri, and no matter what, I intend to see that through. That's what I do, I see things through I make things right.

"Kheri, we need to talk."

She turns towards me, with a smile on her face. The sight makes me sick to my stomach.

She reaches towards me to put her arms around my neck. But I can't touch her, not right now.

"Kheri, you lied to me."

For a moment the shock that I had found out registers on her face, before it was quickly disguised with innocence.

She opens her mouth to say something.

"No Kheri please. Don't even try it. I know the truth. I know you lied to me, and I think I even know why. But I need you to tell me, have enough respect for me, for us to tell me the truth."

She sighs and turns back around.

"Seely, I can only assume that you are referring to what I told you today about the conversation I had with Dr. Brennan. I don't know what she told you, but frankly it hurts me that you are going to take her word over mine. Especially after what she did to you."

I stared in shock for a moment at the back of her head. Could she be serious? I am trying to save us, does she not get that. I am giving her an opportunity to make it right.

"Kherington, you know how much I need to trust you. I have to trust you implicitly for this to work. I know that you lied; Angela was listening in on your conversation. Not only that, but she brought me the video footage to prove it to me. I heard everything. "

I was yelling by this time.

"I gave you an out Kheri, you just had to be honest and upfront with me. I am trying to fix us; I am trying to make it work."

Finally she spun around to face me.

"You're trying to make it work Seely. Trying to make it work by forcing me to have lunch with the women that you were so madly in love with. The woman that you never got over. That's not how it seemed to me. Making me watch the way you looked at her."

I cut her off.

"First of all Kheri, I didn't look at her any special way. And second I didn't force you. I wanted to be friends with her. We had a history; I was trying to mend our friendship. I wanted you to be a part of that, because you are a part of me. All you had to do was tell me you how uncomfortable you were with that. You just had to be honest with me from the beginning that's all I wanted, that's all I ever wanted."

"Oh really, all I had to do was tell you that I didn't want to meet her. Tell you that I felt uncomfortable with you resuming a friendship with her."

"Yes, that is all that you needed to say."

"Ok Seely, I am uncomfortable with you being friends with her, I am uncomfortable with you working with her again. So what are you going to do about it?"

I was stunned; I hadn't expected her to ask me what I was going to do about it. What was I going to do about it?

"What do you mean, what am I going to do about it?"

"Well I have expressed my feelings about you being around her, now are you going to ignore them and continue or are you never going to be around her again?"

"I think it's a moot point Kheri, I don't see her talking to me again after the way I yelled at her today."

She walked up closer to me; if she was taller we would be standing nose to nose.

"That's not what I asked you, I asked you if you were going to ignore my feelings, or make sure you never cross paths again?"

"Are you asking me to choose?"

She nodded.

"Yes I believe that's exactly what I am asking you to do."

I was speechless. The right thing to say would be that I would never see her again. But could I go through with that. Could I live with never seeing those eyes again, that crooked smile. Could I leave her, do what everyone else did to her. I know it was irrational, after she left me. But her leaving stems from her fear of people leaving her. I know it seems like a lifetime ago, but I promised her that I would not betray her. But I also promised my life to Kheri. Apparently my silence was enough for Kheri.

"That's all I need Seely, I am leaving now."

I had to stop her; this isn't what was supposed to happen.

"Kheri wait…"

"Wait for what? You have clearly made your decision."

I put a hand on her shoulder, to stop her from leaving.

"I can't choose. She is my friend. It's too hard, please don't make me choose."

She turned and looked at me again. Her purse on her shoulder, her hand on the door.

"It shouldn't be hard Seely, do you love her or do you love me? What no let me rephrase that, because I already know the answer to that. Who do you love more? If it's me, then you should have no problem cutting contact with her. And if it's her, then I should be going because we have nothing left here."

Who do I love more? What an absurd question. It was so simple that I loved Kheri more. But when I opened my mouth to say that, nothing came out. I could not bring myself to say out loud that I loved someone more than Brennan.

Apparently for the second time that evening, my silence spoke louder than anything I could say.

Kheri nodded her head.

"That's what I thought."

She looked at me for a moment, and I mean really looked at me.

"I'm sorry, I did what I did Seely. I really am, but maybe it was my way of giving you an out. "

I started to shake my head.

"Maybe you didn't know that's what you wanted at the time, but it's clear to me now how much you wanted it. You love her Seely. I don't doubt that you love me too; I don't think you would have proposed if you didn't. But you love her more, and you always will. You are connected to her, and even though you would never back away from your commitment to me you would always wonder what it would have been like with her. I can't live like that. So, and I can't believe I'm saying this maybe it was best she came back when she did."

She held up her left hand and looked at the ring that I had put there not too long ago. She smiled a sad smile, and removed it. She placed the ring in my hand and closed my fist around it. She raised her arm and placed it on my face.

"Good bye Seely, go be happy ok?"

And with that she walked out of the door and out of my life.


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N Sorry it took so long for the update, but damn real life kept getting in the way. And then the weather here was just so nice i just had to be outside doing outdoor things. cleaning my car getting all the winter grime. anyways here it is. there will be one more chapter after this and then we are finally finished...hope you guys like it....to show you do feel free to review.**

* * *

Today's turns of events were definitely bittersweet. It's very hard to be upset about things knowing that I have Angela by my side backing me up, but it's hard to be happy about that when Booth now hates me. Just the thought of Booth makes me very sad. I hate feelings, and this is exactly why. Things would be so much easier right now, if I had never let him get to me, let him break down those walls I had built so long ago brick by painful brick.

Walking up to the front steps of my building, I noticed a figure sitting on them. They were hunched over, with their head in their hands. It only took me a few more steps to realize who the figure was. I could tell that body structure anywhere. I walked up tentatively.

"Booth?"

He didn't move right away, didn't even acknowledge my presence. If he was still furious why was he here? Instead of asking him or even speaking again, I sat down next to him.

"I'm sorry about today."

He spoke so softly I barely heard him. He still had his head in his hands. Why was he apologizing to me?

"I don't understand Booth, why now are you all of a sudden sorry?"

He finally lifted his head and looked at me.

"Because I know the truth."

It took me by surprise a moment.

"How do you know?"

He smiled a sad smile at me before replying.

"Angela, she overheard everything. And she brought me video footage of your office to prove it to me. I should not have yelled at you like that, I should have talked to you, got your side of the story.

I wanted to reply that it was understandable, but before I could even open my mouth he was speaking again.

"I was just so angry you know. So angry at you for what you did to us. I thought that I was over it; I thought I could control all the emotions that your return brought bubbling to the surface. I didn't want to be angry with you, because I didn't want you to leave again, but… I don't know. When Kheri gave me an excuse to be angry with you I guess I just took it. I should have known that you would never say those things. You don't view people as possessions, or assets. I was just looking for a reason to make you hurt even if I didn't know that at the time. It was wrong, and I'm sorry."

He looked very sincere in his apology, he was genuinely sorry. And he looked hurt that he had caused me pain. But how can he blame himself? I was the one that put us in this position in the first place. I started the turn events.

"Booth you have nothing to be sorry for. Yes maybe you shouldn't have yelled at me at the lab like that. But sometimes we, well mostly you let emotions get the best of us. Your pent up frustration toward me is more than warranted. "

He nodded his consent.

"Would you like to come upstairs?"

He shook his head.

"No, but I do need to talk to you can we just sit here for a moment and talk?"

I shrugged

"Sure Booth say what you need to."

He looked at me for a long moment his eyes never straying from mine. I had always been fascinated with the intensity in his eyes. You could see the many emotions swirling around in the soulful brown depths all of the time. Like he was constantly controlling himself.

"Kheri left me."

I sucked in a breath at this. I felt the hope swelling in my chest. I wanted to dance around the street. But I didn't. I knew the hope was irrational, that Kheri may have been the biggest obstacle that was keeping up apart, but she was far from the last one.

"I don't know what to say Booth. Are you ok? Why did she leave you?"

He smiled slightly.

"I'm fine but, I feel guilty that I'm not more upset. This only proves that the reason she left me was true."

I bit my lip, I was afraid to ask why. Fortunately for me I didn't have to.

"She said that even though she believed I loved her, she knew that I loved you more, and that I always would. She told me that she couldn't marry someone whose heart she had to share. And she is right, it's not fair. She should have someone that is committed to her one hundred percent. I wanted to give that to her, I really did. But you have a piece of me, and I don't think I could get that back even if I wanted to."

I could feel the tears starting to form in my eyes.

"Do you want it back?"

He looked at me for the second time tonight.

"No."

I let out the breath that I didn't know that I was holding. Could this be it? Could this be my chance?

"The thing is, is that I don't know if I have it in me to try again with you."

And with that simple statement my heart plummeted to my feet.

"I understand Booth."

He shook his head.

"Do you Bones?"

He called me Bones. I don't know if I should be happy that he did, or that it was just a slip of the tongue. He placed his hand over mine and twined our fingers together.

"We could have been really good you know? I would have given you everything you needed. Taken care of you, like everyone wants to be taken care of. I would have loved you, more than you ever thought possible. I was willing to take you just as you are. I never wanted to change you, or take away you autonomy. I just wanted to be your partner in more than work. I wanted to be your partner in life. Having your back, taking the good with the bad. I would never have hurt you."

I nodded my head. I didn't know what to say. I knew that now, but at the time I let my fear take over. But he knew that already, he knew why I left.

"You know what hurts the most Bones? What hurt the most about you leaving?"

I couldn't meet his eyes.

"What?"

"The fact that you didn't trust me."

My head flew up to finally look at him.

"I did Booth, I trusted you implicitly."

He shook his head.

"No you didn't. If you had, you would never have run. You would have trusted me to not hurt you. You would have trusted us. In our work, yah you trusted me to have your back. But beyond that, you didn't trust me."

"Booth, maybe you're right maybe I didn't trust you. Or maybe I didn't trust myself. I personally don't think that it was you that I didn't trust. It was love in general. I have stated several times that I think feelings are ephemeral. How could I give myself completely to you, and trust that your feeling didn't change. I mean we bickered all of the time. How can you say that one day you won't just be fed up? My own parents and brother left me Booth. And those people are genetically bound to me. "

I looked down at my feet.

"I like science because it has sure answers. Every action has an equal and opposite reaction. You can test it, and come to an exact conclusion. You can't do that in a relationship. I couldn't bare it if you left, if I lost you and we were only partners. If I let myself love you, then how would I deal with it?"

Booth remained silent for a moment. He focused on our hands which were still intertwined.

"What about now? Do you still feel that way?"

I nodded slowly.

"Yes I do, the thought still terrifies me. But…"

"But what Bones?"

"Booth, I came back to get a second chance. I lived over two years without you. I dreamt about you every single night. When something good happened, or even something bad, you were the first person that I thought about telling. I came to the realization while I was there, that I loved you. And that I had for a long time. That I had been fighting something that had been happening all along. I thought I had lost my chance. You stopped writing, and I thought that I had lost you. That I had succeeded in pushing you away. And the pain I felt was incredible. But I stayed there thinking that I had nothing to come back to. A student of mine finally forced me to rethink myself. I had to come back and tell you, that you weren't wrong. That I did love you. That I loved you more than anything else, more than myself more than my work. That I was sorry for never giving us a chance. I wanted to tell you that I wanted a chance if you were still willing. I couldn't live another day without you. "

I couldn't stop the tears from falling from my eyes at this point. But I made no effort to brush them away.

"So you don't think feelings are ephemeral anymore."

I shook my head.

"I don't think all of them are, or I would not still be as in love with you now as I was the day I left. Maybe it won't work out Booth, which is always a variable that I have to consider. But I would rather know that I tried, that we had some good times. That I loved you the best I could, and that's all anyone can ask I guess. I asked Angela a long time ago, if she ever had any regret about getting into a relationship with Hodgins. She told me that without the possibility of pain we can't enjoy the pleasures. I think she was right, I just didn't know it at the time. "

I put my hand under Booths chin, and made him look at me.

"I love you Booth, and yes that scares the shit out of me. I will love you if you decide to give me a second chance, and I will love you if you don't. I can't change it, trust me I've tried. "

He gave me a half smile.

"You sure seem to be throwing around the 'L' word a lot."

I smiled back.

"I think I have denied myself saying it far too long, as I have denied you hearing it far too long."

"So you want a second chance?"

I nodded.

"Yes I do, very much so."

"Do you think you deserve one?"

My smile disappeared.

"No I guess I don't."

Finally he took his hand from mine.

"I don't know that I can give you one. Just like I asked you to trust me with your heart, I trusted you with mine. And you broke my heart and my trust. I don't know that I can ever get that back.

Now it was his turn to lift my chin up to look at him.

"I want to get it back, I really do. If it were up to me, I would say the hell with it and carry you upstairs right now. But I'm not ready yet. I need to think about it. If I can trust you with my heart again. "

"I understand Booth."

Looking at me for one more moment, he finally stood up.

"I should go Bones, I have Parker in the morning and I need to inform everyone that the wedding is off. Maybe I can get my deposit back from the reception hall."

I looked at him, and smiled.

"Ok Booth."

He started to walk away; he got maybe fifteen paces before I stopped him.

"Booth, can I help?"

He looked at me in confusion.

"Help with what?"

"You being ready, you being able to trust me with your heart again."

Finally he gave me a full smile. The smile that I had missed oh so much.

"Yah Bones, you can help."

And with that he walked away. I smiled turning around to walk into my building. Today wasn't so bad after all.


	16. Epilogue

**ONE MONTH LATER**

Walking into my office at the Hoover building, I couldn't help feeling high on myself. Another case solved. I had missed how fast cases got solved in the time that Bones was gone. I smiled at my own thought. Bones. It had been a relief to let myself call her that again. I had been trying so hard to not say it.

So much had happened in the last month. It was hard telling everyone that Kheri and I weren't getting married. But surprisingly no one blamed me. They were all so understanding. I smiled, man I had the greatest friends ever. Even Parker wasn't too worried. He told me that he felt he had to act too polite around her. He was happy to be back to being just boys. At work Bones was back to being my partner. As soon as the AD found out she was back for good, he told me that I had better be back to working with her because we were the best partners he had ever seen and we had a great solve rate.

So things went back to normal. It was weird actually. Almost like the last two years hadn't happened. I thought things would be weird when Bones and I went back to work together. But she didn't act different at all. She still bickered with me; she still corrected me when I said things wrong. We even went back to eating at the diner all the time, and having drinks after work.

Once Cam and everyone realized that Bones had never said those things I thought she did, they started to warm back up to her too.

I leaned back in my chair, and placed my hands behind my head. I couldn't get the smile off my face things were going really well. Bones and I had never discussed "us" lately. No mention of it at all. I knew it was the elephant in the room sometimes, but we still managed to not become uncomfortable because of it.

"Agent Booth?"

I looked up, it was the mail guy. Usually they didn't bring things straight to your office. He motioned that he had a letter for me.

"Sorry to interrupt Agent Booth, but I was given specific instructions to deliver this to you personally."

I nodded for him to enter, and took the letter from him. It didn't have a return address but it had the Jeffersonian logo on the envelope. I opened it, and started to read.

Booth,

After you told me that I could help you to be ready to give me another chance, I realized that I had no idea how I was going to do that. Do I act completely normal? Do I become a romantic and do things that I normally wouldn't do. How does one prove that they are worthy of a second chance? After much thought on the situation, I decided on a method someone once used on me. I will write you letters. I don't know exactly what each letter will say. I only know that I will not stop until I have proven to you that I love you, that you can trust me with your heart.

It bothers me that I can't put my hands on "love". That I can't take it apart and dissect I, study it. I don't even know that it is the right word to describe how I feel for you. I don't think there really is one. But since love is the one that people use, I guess it will have to do. You make me feel things that don't make sense. I know it's not possible for the mere presence of someone to make my heart feel full. But yet there is no other way for me to describe it. It's enough to make a sane person go absolutely crazy. When I mentioned it to Angela, all she said was that that's what love is.

Well then call me certifiable.

I've had a lot of bad things happen to me, things that made me skeptical of feelings and weary of people. Then you came along and knocked me right on my ass. You were relentless with your soulful brown eyes, and unwavering determination. You would not back off, and I'm so glad you didn't. Because in a world that is so full of wrongs, and death, and just plain sadness. You are the only thing that is right, you give me hope. I never really had that before you, I had never really felt hope.

I don't know if and when you will ever be ready, but a wise man told me once that if you want something from someone you have to offer a piece of yourself. Well I'm not just offering a piece; you can have the whole damn thing.

I know we can make it through this, just as I know that we will be stronger because of it.

I'm betting on us Booth, and I'm going all in. And we can't lose. In my time working with you and getting to know you I've discovered that alone we may be conquered but together we always win. So long as it's you and me, there is no way that we can lose.

I know that I can't predict the future, but I am certain that everything is going to be ok.

Love

Bones

P.S I love you, and I miss you.

Placing the letter on my desk, I read over it again. I know that some of the things must have been hard for her to write, she hates talking about her feelings. But she was throwing down the gauntlet, and all I had to do was pick it up.

I think she was right though, everything is going to be ok.

* * *

**A/N. Well this is it people, I have finished. Thanks to everyone who took the time to read and review, your compliments meant so much to me. I hope that I didnt let you down with the ending, but its just where I felt that I could leave things. I hope the story has helped cope with this long and in my opinion completly unnessecary hiatus. But Bones is back April 1st and if you havent seen it be sure to check out the promos that just came out. Things are looking good. Thanks again for reading.**

**Brandi**


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